What Goes On In Her Mind

By the looks of her you see a smiling face,
But behind that lie is a scary place.
Her eyes, her dimples, and the way she laughs
Little do you know about her sad past.

It all started at the age of eight
She does not believe that this is fate.
Her mind it wanders to somewhere she hates to go
She is scared that her fear will jump out and show.

Thoughts and images crowd her mind and brain
The only thing that can stop this is some kind of pain.
She then thinks of the one she loves
And realizes that she is finally had enough.

Shaking, sweating, crying, and screaming
She does not know how to start that thing called breathing.
Lying there not knowing what to do or what to say
She thinks to herself "what happened to this day?"

She remembers all the fun and laughs she had with her friends
It is sad to think that all of that came to an end.

She knows that her mother goes through the same thing
She then hears her phone "ring ring ring"
Scared to answer and hear who is on the other line
She starts to count backwards starting with nine.

9.8.7….6.5.4…3…2...1
"This isn’t a good time I'll call you when I can"
But the voice on the other line sounds like a man...
"What you're going through runs in your blood
You are what I created with love not mud.
Giving you this disorder was part of my plan
Too see if you can make it like your mother can.
Do not let the thoughts and fears run through your mind
Remember that you're strong, wiser and kind.
I am not stating my name or what I do
But you should always remember that I love you."

The phone went dead and I looked at the fan
She thought about the voice that sounded like a man.
She believes that she can fight this fear
So get ready and get in gear.
She starts to get up and wipes her raccoon eyes
She gets stronger and stronger and stops her cries.
As she walks out of her room with a bright light hitting her face
She sees her family and her friends and feels safer in this place.

By Cali D. (2012)