The young girl I once was but never got to be,
at seven having to be a mother to my sister and me.
Cooking and cleaning was the future for me;
watching children play saddened me.
When anger took place my house was no home;
full of tears like a cup overflown.
Strike here, hit there; boom; ow mommy you’re hurting
me;
yells and screams constantly surround me.
Watching abuse right before my eyes,
I screamed stop for I heard my sisters cries.
After that, it was up to me,
to cook for the family, wash and clean.
It was like my mom gave up on us,
she went to work, came home, paid bills, drank beer and smoked.
I knew that if my sister and I weren’t there,
she would be living somewhere else without any care in the world about us.
The abuse continued and increased as time went by,
and soon I got tired of hurting and hearing my sister suffer and cry.
So I took her and ran far, far away,
until the cops came and took my mom away.
They placed us in homes that were dreadful
and sad
similar to the situation we had already had.
After everything I went through, nothing meant anything to me,
school was just fun and games and bad girl was my nickname.
ISS and OSS was my home in school,
and being a bad girl to almost everyone was cool.
I never fitted in with certain cliques,
I didn’t do drugs or create cool tricks.
One day I was put the test,
was I going to pass it or get cast out like the rest.
I was offered a cigarette and then came weed,
alcohol was the solution to feed my needs.
I thought these things took away my grief,
my pain, my hurt, I was a child in need.
Survival of the fittest was in my mind,
I was trying to find food for my sister and me.
And again my future, there was none for me,
only people could see the worse in me.
Until I met this guy and he was important to me,
he loved me, cared for me, and promises that eventually never to be kept
I thought to myself that this was too good to be true,
he warmed my heart and made me melt at the words I love you.
Our relationship was so sacred and so dear,
I knew he was forever mine when we cried our first tear.
I felt pain and he felt it too,
but they seem to go away at the words I love you.
I was sad and always walked with my head down,
He spoke the words “your my girl, hold your head up, you should be proud.”
I dressed up more, and tried to be even happier.
Heck I was happy!
Our conversations were strong and our love was stronger,
no one can break us, we’ll last longer.
At least that was what I thought until that day,
love came to a halt and froze my feet.
He left me broken and incomplete like the sand without a sea,
until I found the courage deep inside of me to stand without falling on my own two feet.
All the friends I had they were no friend to me,
they wanted to see me fall and drown in my own misery.
I took flight like a bird in the sky, not in a group, solo just me, myself, and I.
And then the unthinkable happened;
a change rose within, fate gave me a chance and destiny began//
its change
made me who I am and the woman I continue to be from Christine to Alona; the new me.
A new home, a new life, and a new family that loves me,
starting a new job, learning responsibility, and living life to the fullest; finally happy.
Love will still be a journey but I think it has just begun,
for true love has found me like light found the sun.
So it was fate or chance that created my destiny?
It was fate absolutely for it was what cried and desired change in me.
By Christine (2012)
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